Tuesday, February 24, 2009

To Whom It May Concern...

My name is Nicole and I am a letter writer. I write them on paper and send them in the mail old-school style. I write them on the computer, see below. And when all else fails I write them in my head so WATCH OUT! I'm always taking notes. The short letters below have been bouncing around my noggin all week and I'm starting to get a headache so I turn them over to you...

Dear Parents,

Please treat others the way you would like to be treated, especially in front of your children. Children are like sponges and are the ultimate observers of human behavior.

Dear Children,
Respect your elders, even if they are not your parents.

Dear CNN,
Quit insulting my morning intelligence. I don't care what Lindsey Lohan's eating habits are or what Oprah's best friend wore to the Oscars. I stopped watching the Today Show for those very reasons, don't make me quit you too.

Dear A-Rod -
Where do I begin? How about you suck. You sucked before the whole steroids thing surfaced - wow, what a shock - and you suck still. No amount of apologizing will make up for the fact that you are indeed doing your part to destroy the image of one of the great American past-times. Well done. So glad you're getting paid 25 million per annum to let performance enhancing drugs do the job for you.

Dear Texas Rangers Baseball -
What the hell guys? I very well could be one of your last fans and you sure aren't making it easy. I have defended you for years when no one else would, and wore your stinking jerseys and hats when no one else dared. This latest scandal, with it's roots tracing back to you dear Rangers, brings me one step closer to trading in my 'T' hat for my Cubbies red and blues on a more permanent basis. Clean up your act and have some pride dammit!

Dear Taxi Driver Guy,
You were absolutely right to reprimand me the other morning for pulling out from the alley without coming to a full stop. I'm sorry if I seemed to blow you off at the time but you definitely made me think so thank you.

Dear Parents,
Thank you for being such awesome role models. When I see the way you act with your children on so many levels as you take a genuine interest in their well-being, it makes me proud to work where I do and makes me feel like everything we lay out for you is so worth it.

Dear Congress,
Can't you hold the applause and the standing and sitting til the end of the speech? In the last 5 minutes there was more standing and applauding then there was speaking. No joke.

Dear Punxsutawney Phil,
Damn you. Let it be spring already!

There's more of course, but my pensieve runneth over.

Cau for now.

1 comment:

Meredith said...

You're so smart and funny. Love you!