Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Welcome Back, Baby!

He's baaaaack! This news alone is enough to entice me back to Dallas before baseball season is up. In case you haven't heard, my beloved Pudge is headed back to the Rangers - hellz, yeahz. This is some exciting news folks. Heading into tonight's game against Minnesota, the Rangers actually have a one-game lead in the AL wild-card race and this latest acquisition could seal the deal. That's right, for the first time in 10 years, the Texas Rangers could find themselves back in the playoffs. After bouncing around from the Marlins to the Tigers, 2 World Series visits (one win), and then a recent short stint with the Astros, Rodriguez has returned to his roots. He is home. And I couldn't be happier.

PS - Dear Brett Favre, retire already and damn you for going to the Vikings.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

SkyMall, I Think I love You

As many of you know, I have been traveling a lot this summer, and not necessarily to my liking. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel. Love going to new and old places. Love love love airports. But hate flying. Hate it. Every moment on a plane for me is surely my last moment on earth - or in earth's sky - and God help the poor unfortunate soul who gets the seat next to me. Every bump sends my heart a-racing and I can't even count the number of times I have wound up in tears. If I'm lucky I remember to fly armed with what I like to call 'Mama's little chill pill' or at least plenty of cash for booze. I'm not allowed to mix the two. Not anymore. But I digress.

So this summer, along with my arsenal of anti-anxiety flying tactics - including ipod, chill pills, cash, Economist, and airport trash book - I started to include my new best friend: the SkyMall magazine. Anyone? Anyone? I've apparently been flying with this lovely piece of literature for years and never really took notice. But now SkyMall, I notice you. And I heart you too. Who knew there was such a roller coaster ride of emotions to be had in those 80-something pages of must-haves? Hours of entertainment really. I mean seriously folks, I am humbled by some of the genius, yet baffled at the same time. For example...
The Edge Bake Pan. Deliciously cooked edges on both sides. Need I say more?
The Stop Sign Park n' Place. It flashes when your bumper hits the pole. Have you seen the front of my car? Where have you been all my life!? More genius...
The Coin Counting Jar. Counts. As. You. Deposit. Love it. Have to have it..

Now, for the good stuff...
ShapeUp Pads. Add sexy curves without surgery. Eat your heart out Wonder Bra, introducing the Wonder Butt! They're adhesive butt pads ya'll!
The Water-Powered LED Light Shower Head. Go without the standard bathroom light. Soooo, what happens when you turn the water off? Are you thus cloaked in darkness? Do you have to grope your way through the darkness to turn the water on so you can then have light? Weird.
The Slanket. Stay cozy and keep your hands free! Even from the comfort of your own couch on movie night these are questionable and just a wee bit laughable. But bring this bad-boy to a baseball game and even I'll kick your ash.
REM Spring. Removes hair from the root. Um, ow. And no way in hell. No. Stinkin. Way.
NeckPro Traction Device. Offers simple, easy, effective and portable cervical traction. Maybe so, but I almost blew my back out from laughing so hard when I saw this. Come on, you laughed too, admit it. Oh, and it's 'the perfect travel companion' too.
The Indoor Dog Restroom - mat and tray system. Gives dogs a place to relieve themselves when they can't get outside for respite. Seriously? GET UP OFF THE COUCH AND TAKE YOUR DAMN DOG OUTSIDE PEOPLE! This sucker holds up to 2 gallons of pee by the way. Who wants 2 gallons of pee kickin it in their home!? Ew, ew, EW!
And last but certainly not the least... introducing The Skyrest. This person can sleep comfortably in any seat. Really, any seat? So long as it has a tray table. Can we assume that 'this person' has passed out unconscious after blowing up said Skyrest? Hilarious.

Ah, my work here is done and quite frankly I can't wait to see the next issue. Perhaps there's a Holiday Edition. Will Santa bring me a fabulous high-heel shoes that do the walking for me? One can only hope. So thank you SkyMall for keeping me company these past months. I owe my sanity and growing Christmas list to you.

Cau for now friends.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Forgive me Mary,for thou art headless.

It was the drop heard around Seattle.
A sad day indeed when poor Ceramic Mary hit the cold, hardwood floors, and lost her head.
Genevieve has sense recovered, Mary has not.

How you doin?

Hey Friends, I'm here, I'm alive, and I've missed you. It's been a busy summer and in case you're wondering, here's what I've been up to....

Eat your heart out Cleopatra, there's a new queen in town.
Yes folks, c'est moi. Family programmer by week, Egyptian queen by weekend. For the record it was a one-time gig. It started out as me agreeing to sport henna art for the opening weekend events, and quickly morphed into phrases like 'make-up' and 'costume fittings'.
I guess it could have been worse, right?

The bone diggers cometh.

In Faith, SD, population 489, we're known as 'The Bone Diggers'. We come every summer to dig up the 65 million year-old bones of Edmontosaura and treat families to all things paleo fun. To learn more about a day at our dig site, check out the super-cool dinoblog that I worked on - the blog that got some love this summer.

Just another day at work.
The last of the Star Wars Saturdays, complete with Yoda Yoga and Jedi Fitness. Even Kev came up to join in the fun. Guess what's on my Christmas list this year....

My Heart Runneth Over.
And last, but not least, the summer culminated on a much-needed and rare family vacation. For Terry's 60th birthday celebration, Mom and Terry's 4 kids were all together for the first time in 6 years,and the 4 grand kids were together for the first time ever. 9 out of 13 of us got sick. And it was still awesome.

Cau for now friends.