So this summer, along with my arsenal of anti-anxiety flying tactics - including ipod, chill pills, cash, Economist, and airport trash book - I started to include my new best friend: the SkyMall magazine. Anyone? Anyone? I've apparently been flying with this lovely piece of literature for years and never really took notice. But now SkyMall, I notice you. And I heart you too. Who knew there was such a roller coaster ride of emotions to be had in those 80-something pages of must-haves? Hours of entertainment really. I mean seriously folks, I am humbled by some of the genius, yet baffled at the same time. For example...
The Edge Bake Pan. Deliciously cooked edges on both sides. Need I say more?
The Stop Sign Park n' Place. It flashes when your bumper hits the pole. Have you seen the front of my car? Where have you been all my life!? More genius...
The Coin Counting Jar. Counts. As. You. Deposit. Love it. Have to have it..
Now, for the good stuff...
ShapeUp Pads. Add sexy curves without surgery. Eat your heart out Wonder Bra, introducing the Wonder Butt! They're adhesive butt pads ya'll!
The Water-Powered LED Light Shower Head. Go without the standard bathroom light. Soooo, what happens when you turn the water off? Are you thus cloaked in darkness? Do you have to grope your way through the darkness to turn the water on so you can then have light? Weird.
The Slanket. Stay cozy and keep your hands free! Even from the comfort of your own couch on movie night these are questionable and just a wee bit laughable. But bring this bad-boy to a baseball game and even I'll kick your ash.
REM Spring. Removes hair from the root. Um, ow. And no way in hell. No. Stinkin. Way.
NeckPro Traction Device. Offers simple, easy, effective and portable cervical traction. Maybe so, but I almost blew my back out from laughing so hard when I saw this. Come on, you laughed too, admit it. Oh, and it's 'the perfect travel companion' too.
The Indoor Dog Restroom - mat and tray system. Gives dogs a place to relieve themselves when they can't get outside for respite. Seriously? GET UP OFF THE COUCH AND TAKE YOUR DAMN DOG OUTSIDE PEOPLE! This sucker holds up to 2 gallons of pee by the way. Who wants 2 gallons of pee kickin it in their home!? Ew, ew, EW!
And last but certainly not the least... introducing The Skyrest. This person can sleep comfortably in any seat. Really, any seat? So long as it has a tray table. Can we assume that 'this person' has passed out unconscious after blowing up said Skyrest? Hilarious.
Ah, my work here is done and quite frankly I can't wait to see the next issue. Perhaps there's a Holiday Edition. Will Santa bring me a fabulous high-heel shoes that do the walking for me? One can only hope. So thank you SkyMall for keeping me company these past months. I owe my sanity and growing Christmas list to you.
Cau for now friends.
Cau for now friends.