Saturday, November 27, 2010

Black Friday: The Case for Cyber Monday Grows and Here's Why...

As you know, I'm oddly fascinated by most strange things, and in this post we discuss a growing little phenomenon - a carnival of capitalism if you will - known as Black Friday. Every year tops the one before it, and while I personally opt to hunker down on the couch and nurse Thanksgiving food and beverage hangovers (and save my energy for Cyber Monday), I look forward not to the Black Friday shopping experience, but the aftermath of it the next morning.

Like I can't wait to get up the Saturday morning after and scan the online articles, taking in the body counts, the incarcerated, the riots, and the number of advertised deals that weren't ever really great deals to begin with, but just enough to get the poor shmoes through the door, all for the sake of saving a few bucks. But then after you add up the bail money, the stolen merchandise from cars and sometimes even the fee for towed vehicles after said shmoes park on medians, sidewalks and in fire lanes - again, all for the sake of saving a few bucks, I say to thee Was it worth it?? And also? It's called CYBER MONDAY YA'LL!!

I admit I was relieved to not have been greeted this morning with headlines of Black Friday death, like at the Long Island Wal-Mart 2 years ago, but I still managed to find some shameful little nuggets for you to chew on:

- 3 women in West Palm Beach reported that over $1000 worth of Best Buy purchases were stolen from their car only minutes after locking them in there so they could head to the JC Penny's just next to Best Buy. They were most upset about the fact that they'd been camping out since Wednesday night (you know, the day before Thanksgiving) so they could be the first into Best Buy on Friday morning. That's called karma for ditching your family on Thanksgiving ladies.

- A woman at a Toys R Us in Madison, WI was arrested after threatening to shoot the hundreds of people that she had just cut ahead of in line if they didn't let her pass. I just wanted to get my daughter the toy that she wanted for Christmas and I knew it would be gone if I waited until the next day to get it. AWesome. Not only will that little girl not get that toy at Christmas, but now she may not even get her mom at Christmas. Well done.

- Shoppers in Target in Buffalo, NY were trampled upon entering the store as line jumpers quickly and violently pushed their way to the front of the lines as the doors opened at midnight. Check it out - Doesn't it look like FUN?


- A marine was stabbed at a Toys for Tots drive when he attempted to take down a shoplifter. So not only do we have to worry about being trampled while shopping, but we must now worry about being stabbed or impaled. Speaking of which...

- A man was arrested for carrying a gun with extra rounds, 2 knives and a pepper grenade while shopping at a Wal-Mart in Boynton, FL. He did not use them or threaten to use them, but they were noticed by a fellow shopper who then alerted security. Black Friday is clearly a dangerous sport.

In closing, I beg you to please consider cyber deals when holiday shopping. You can do this from the comfort of your own couch, in your pj's, with wine or coffee and Thanksgiving leftovers, and for the most part, weapon free. And guess what, all of those stores that offer the Black Friday deals, also offer some rocking Cyber Monday deals as well. So then, you don't have to participate in shenanigans like this...

1 comment:

Queen Kandis said...

I've done Cyber Monday for so long that I'm now convinced I invented it. I just didn't call it that, or, you know, tell anyone about it.