Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Mr. Kelley you've redeemed yourself. Sorta.

 Adrianne Palicki

Well, well, well...  It would seem that Mr. Kelley took my words into consideration and did himself some spring cleaning.  In case you haven't heard, he decided to BRING BACK THE RED BOOTS. I wonder if there was a reward for them.  Not only that but I do believe that our Amazonian Princess will no longer go 'squish squish squish' in her latex pants whilst in pursuit of the bad guys and although a little bit country, at least the blue of the pants has been muted and our patriotic princess has also gotten her stars back.  Well done David E.  This I can live with.  For now.  I'll hold final judgement until we see that pilot.  No pressure, mk?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Just me, Captain Jack Sparrow and George Lucas hanging out on Saturday.

Notice the crowds, the applause, the wave.  Yes, I'm just that good.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

No, really, it's for your safety.

We have this phrase we're supposed to use at work when we see kids and sometimes grownups doing (stupid) stuff that most rational thinking people would never do.  Think the MJ and Baby Pillow Balcony debacle.We're supposed to start off by saying:  For your safety, we'd prefer that you not....

Hanging kids over balconies is FUN!
...let your child walk along a ramp wall that is five levels high where they could potentially plummet to their death.  We have a Guggenheim style ramp that circles through 5 levels.  Some grownups think it's a lot of fun to let their little ones walk along the wall of the ramp where there is open air on either side.  5 levels.
...  run full speed up/down a ramp when there are 10,000 other people in the building.  People like to run the ramps.  Like really run the ramps.  They'll start from the top and we'll hear the chilling words ready, set, go!  and then they're off.  God help anyone else on the ramp who must fling themselves and their loved ones out of the way or be crushed.
...  chase your infant/stroller down the ramp.  2-3 times a  a day I witness those who like to let strollers go from the top of the ramp and then run after them yelling 'WEEEEEEEEEEE!'  It's especially awesome when the kid in the stroller is an infant and could give a shit as to whether or not anyone's pushing the stroller.  THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A RAMP IS!  Way to go grownup.
...  climb up the yellow hand railing where you could potentially fall over and plummet to your death.  Sometimes grownups like to do anything but notice the fact that their __-year old is scaling one of our many yellow railings, most of which overlook 4 different levels of open air, an atrium and a water clock.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like we don't protect and secure the public spaces as much as humanly possible.  But it's when the kids and grownups ditch the common sense and go out of their way to bypass/ignore those precautions that real damage can be done.  Those things are there for a reason folks.  For the most part, grownups are open to our recommendations and statements of the obvious when the stupid begins.  Sometimes they are affronted and their responses are just plain jaw dropping.  This makes me want to kick the universe for letting them be parents.

True Story:  On Friday (Spring Break week, 8,000+ visitors that day) I was passing through the Atrium with an intern interviewee in tow and I saw a little 5 or 6 year old boy/whippersnapper who was hanging from the top railing in front of the clock.  Step 1:  Seek out parent.  I look around for the grown up but I wasn't sure which one it was.  Step 2:  Confront.  I approached the whippersnapper directly and here's how it went down...

me:  With my most most brightest Disney smile...  Hi there, for your safety can you please put both your feet back on the ground? 
whippersnapper:  nope.
me:  (looking around for any sign of grownup intervention)  I work here at the museum and we would really like you to be safe when you're having fun so can you please get down from the railing?
whippersnapper:  nuh-uh
I look around frantically and then ask him where his grownup is.  He lets go with one hand - awesome - and throws his other arm back behind him, motioning in the general direction of south, southeast, and southwest.  I finally asked him to take me to his grown up and he actually did.  Keep in mind my intern interviewee is still in tow.  He heads up the stairs and motions me to follow and as we get to the top I see the very responsible mother coming towards us.
whippersnapper:  She wants to talk to you Mom.  As he starts to climb another railing, this one was overlooking the Water Clock.  More awesome.
me:  Hi ma'am.  We were downstairs and I was asking him to please not climb the railings for his own safety and he didn't seem to be interested in listening.  I just wanted to make sure that his grown up was near by to keep an eye on him, especially since it's so crowded today.
very responsible mom:  Oh well, we wanted to go to the Dragons exhibit and he didn't care for it so I told him to stay by the Clock.  (PS - The Dragons exhibit is on the second floor and completely out of sight from where she left her whippersnapper.)  She turns to the whippersnapper and says You need to mind the people that work here!  It was easy for her to just turn to him and say that because by this time he was to the top wrung of the railing and was thus eye level with her.
me: Ma'am, we prefer that he not climb on the railings because it's unsafe.  Would you mind please having him set his feet on the ground?
responsible mom:  Well, he's young and has a lot of energy.  He's probably gonna climb everything no matter what we say and I doubt if he'll get hurt.  And she shrugs and turns to the whippersnapper and she pats him on the freaking head.  My intern interviewee's eyes are like giant saucers at this point.  She totally gets it.  She's hired.  The whippersnapper smiled pure evil.
me:  Would you mind at least keeping him off the railings and closer to you when we're so busy here please?  I'm nodding and smiling like a semi-crazed person at this point, willing her to verbally confirm that she has in fact heard anything I'd been saying.
responsible mom:  I'll do my best.  Shrugs again.  Signs.  Peals him off the railing thank you Jesus.  I just walked away, intern interviewee in tow.

It doesn't take much to keep them safe and I know that shit happens and you can't control everything all of the time.  But really, I'm confident you can avoid things like the above stated.  There is plenty of other fun to be had that doesn't involve the risk of death and dismemberment at my place of work.  Trust me.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Mr. Kelley's got some splainin' to do

Jesus, this is an effing travesty.  For once I agree with right wing America in saying that not only is this a shiteous makeover of unpatriotic proportions, but Wonder Woman is apparently a slut now too.  Seriously, our beloved Amazon Princess looks like she's been swallowed by latex and robbed of her red boots!  The red boots ya'll, this sucks. I don't know how they can make this ok again and since when did silver and gold go together?  Ugh.  My expectations for the show have officially been lowered.
Wonder Woman

Sunday, March 13, 2011

This is awesome and ridiculous.

I have no desire to buy these shoes.  
Someone got paid for this.  There were meetings, lots of them probably.  Brainstorms.  Other options.  And this was the best they could come up with.  Can you imagine the ideas that didn't make the cut?  This is for real ya'll and if this ad works on you then you can make your way up to Castleton Square Mall in Indianapolis, IN and start your jerkin'.  Me, I'd rather be workin'.

March: It's Madness I Tell Ya

Note to My Future Self:  Gas is $3.69 today and that is NOT GOOD.  I stress this point because back in November of 2008 I mentioned gas being $1.89 and now I'm not sure if that was an 'OMG gas is so freaking cheap - wooooo!' or if it was like 'OMG gas is so expensive it will break my bank and my 3 mile daily round-trip commute!'  I'd like to think it was the former but just in case Future Self, $3.69 blows.

Also Future Self, Japan is effed.  
An 8.9 magnitude earth quake rocked Japan on Friday morning and then triggered a series of tsunamis that rocked it the rest of the way.  Thousands are dead as bodies continue to wash ashore and as if this wasn't enough, a nuclear power plant was crippled and at least 2 reactors are nearing meltdown.  What. the. fug.  Where to start and how to come back from that?  Suddenly my January and February - not so bad.  Clearly they could have been worse.
Japan battles nuclear emergency after deadly ...Container cargoes gets displaced in Sendai, northern ...Wreckage of aircraft and cars are seen after ...

And Charlie Sheen is effed.  I've been meaning to blog this one because I really don't want to forget it...  These are some of his quotes from the past couple weeks.  While it's made headlines, Twitter and Facebook statuses (heh-em), t-shirts, and been the talk of every water cooler in America, it's also indicative of a man in crisis.  Exhibiting every associated feature of manic episodes and then some.  This shit he's come up with is amazing and I'm anxious to see what's next.  I hope whatever it is or wherever it takes him that he still has any real friends left to get him through it.  And PS - his tox screen came back clean as a whistle. Go figure.

  • Can’t we just be in a pink cloud all our lives, and just be be super bitchin’ and be focused like cross-rays into the universe?”
  • “I feel more alive. I feel more focused. I feel more energetic. My workouts are really intense.”
  • I’m on a quest to claim absolute victory across the board on every front…”
  • “I have a 10,000-year-old brain.”
  • “I’ve been riding on a mercury surfboard…”
  • I’m on a mission. It’s an operation, actually…”
  • “I’m at the dead epicentre of every single moment…”
  • I’m on a rocketship to the moon…”
  • “I heal really fast…”
  • [Did you get out of control?] “Well yeah! I don’t have another gear!”
  • “We live in an evil world.”
  • I’m fighting a war. There’s no room for sensitivity.”
  • “Every great movement begins with one man, and that’s me.”
And in closing, let's not forget:

  • You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be, like, Dude, can’t handle it, unplug this bastard because, yeah, it fires in a way that is maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.”— Charlie Sheen on ABC
  • “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”— Charlie Sheen on ABC
  • “Newsflash, I am special and I will never be one of you.“— Charlie Sheen on the Infowars radio show
PSS - It's 30 degrees outside but THE SUN IS OUT.  Things are starting to look up.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

G's World.

I talk to my sister almost every day and as a result I talk to my niece Genevieve almost every day.  Sometimes I talk to G and not Alethea because my 4-year old niece has chosen to call me from the next room.  Kids are scary smart these days.  Like many parents my sister often wonders aloud if she's effing up my niece with whatever the issue is that day. But I say, G is awesome.  She says what she thinks  and has a vivid imagination.  She talks incessantly with unrestrained enthusiasm because every things is an adventure to her.  Whether it's the bank, post office or grocery store, it's all very exciting.  She lives in a world where Justin Bieber does not exist and Sinatra and Joni Mitchell are her records of choice.  Anne of Green Gables and Roseanne are right up there with Disney movies and she is 'soooo sick of living in the freaking city' -yes, she totally said that. 

G playing Sleeping Beauty.
She loves her cat-eye glasses.  Loves. Them.
2 bucks at Walgreens.

I'm afraid that G may have gotten her
sweet dance moves from her Aunt Cole.
Her fashion sense?  Someone else's.
Yesterday G was teaching hula classes
to her imaginary friends while listening to
Joni Mitchell on her Fisher Price
record player.
Yep, this is definitely Genevieve's world. The rest of us are just in it.

The Potty Dance. It's Not Just for Toddlers.

That's right friends.  That dance that we see our toddlers doing (and sometimes men in bars)?  The one with the crossed legs, pained face, and little quad workout that inevitably means it's too late or it's about to be?  
Yeah, this one.
Not cute, right?  As one who works with preschoolers I find it downright scary but now apparently it has swept the nation as a real dance.  Like with a live band, it's own song, concerts, and step by step sweet dance moves...
It's weird.  And I heard it/saw it about a gazillion times yesterday at my work.  I can't get it out of my head.  It was in my dreams and now I'm passing it on to you.  Bodies of all shapes and sizes, all ages, stepping, stepping, toes, waste and celebrating.  Ugh.  Am I alone here?  Can you get on board with it?  Try it.  Here you go.  Do the clap, clap, Potty Dance.  Tell me what you think.
Side note:  Ok, I admit, the concert at my work was kind of cool for the simple fact that these kids were rocking out.  Like front of the stage, head banging rocking out.
I admit, that was cute.  See I'm not totally heartless.


Last week I spent 3 days at the Women in Aviation conference in Reno - yes, I said aviation.  Me.  Go ahead and laugh ya'll, I can hardly believe it myself still but take it from a self proclaimed aviation poser, I went, I saw, and I was totally freaking humbled.  Surrounded for 3 days by over 3000 women who were mostly pilots in some shape or form, I blended and shmoozed and floated through the masses.  These women were Captains on 747's, flew helicopters for the Coast Guard, or flew their own little planes just for fun ya'll.

Even being one of the few not wearing a flight suit - and now I totally want one but more on that later - the number 1 question I got asked about 799 times was whaddoyoufly?'  It was like saying Good morning  and hello and after the first day I stopped tilting my head uncomfortably to the side when I responded.  I finally learned that while I was not one of the 2984 people who had the proverbial balls to fly aircraft for sport and profession, I was no less valuable a player to the game.  I was there as an educator and my job was/is to learn how to get others - girls especially - excited about careers in aviation.  And to them, that was cool.  Exciting even.  Inneresting.  

I chose not to tell them about my bottle of mama's little helpers in my carry-on for fear of being booted out of the event.  They didn't know that as I talked my way through lunch and over cocktails that I am one of the most pathetically weeny baby flyers on the face of the planet.  You all know this, but they did not.  I suddenly felt like mine was the most irrational and ridiculous fear although when you think about it, the idea of barreling through earth's atmosphere in a multi-ton machine does sound a little death defying (but still totally awesome).  But apparently so is driving a car and moreso even.  At the end of my time there I have to say I was inspired.  The workshops that I took were excellent but it was more about the people who I met that gave me the most inspiration and caused me to look at flying through new eyes.  Talking about the take-offs and landings (my weak points), turbulence, and everything else gave me new perspective and a new appreciation for my pilot friends - especially the ones who do aerobatics but I secretly think there might be something wrong with them anyway.  

The real test for me came when it was time to take off from Reno.  Do I or don't I?  Can I not?  I confess, I did.  But I made mental effort and had conversations with my self and I think it helped.  Did I when I flew out of Denver 5 hours later?  I didn't.  Yay me.