Sunday, September 25, 2011

You're Welcome.

I've laughed at this 100 times.  Make that 101.
You can'tdo this and not laugh. 
And then do it again.  And laugh again.
Heh em.
This totally works.  I've tried it.
To hear the full audio to this 911 call click here.  Because it is amazing.
Not all of you will get this and that's OK.
Anyone?  Anyone?
Best brick repair job EVER.
At some point stupid pays off.
You just have to stare.
This really is uncanny.
This is one scary ass gnome.
Pink nightmare.

The Blahtte. It's Back.

I felt the need to re-post this from last year because whether we like it or not folks, these damn drinks just refuse to go away.  In fact, I fear they are becoming even more cultish and I secretly suspect that Starbucks may use crack as a secret ingredient for all the insanity and stampeding that surrounds these piping hot bevs...

Pay no mind to this 90 degree late September Monday because according to the Starbucks calendar it's Fall ya'll. And what does Fall bring? That's right, all together now - The Pumpkin Spice Latte... blek.

First of all, I don't get it. I've tried them, twice, and gagged both times. To me it was like someone had taken pumpkin bread and put it into a blender with a shit ton of whipping cream, heated it, and poured it in a cup and then topped it off with even more whipping cream and served it up 'fresh'. And so help me they are chewy, chewy I say.  I have good friends and co-workers that live for this time of year and are downright giddy solely because of that cup of gross, and quite frankly most of those individuals make good solid choices throughout the rest of the year. This one however has me questioning all of you.

The calorie content in those little drinks kills me. Me, I'm a foodie, and I'd much rather blow that 400-500 calories on bacon and eggs. Or 3 bowls of raisin bran - seriously. Did you know you can check out all the nutritional information of Starbucks drinks online? Of course you did. But you can Check it out here anyways. It's hours of entertainment to distract you from your work day. I'm happy to see that my usual Starbucks fairs don't creep past 200 and really even less than that since I habitually get sugar-free because I'm edgy like that.  But like I said, bacon and eggs and raisin bran.

But really, to each their own friends. Enjoy your Pumpkin Spice Lattes. After all, it's like steaming hot Thanksgiving Dinner in a cup.  Yum!  Me, I won't say a thing. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Every Thing On It.


I asked for a hot dog
With everything on it,
And that was my big mistake,
‘Cause it came with a parrot,
A bee in a bonnet,
A wristwatch, a wrench, and a rake.
It came with a goldfish,
A flag, and a fiddle,
A frog, and a front porch swing
And a mouse in a mask–
that’s the last time I ask
For a hot dog with everything.

Some of my earliest literary memories involve the cheeky prose of Shel Silverstein.  When I was 8 I was determined to go through Where the Sidewalk Ends page by page and memorize every damn line.  So I did.  And now?  Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too bubbles to the surface and spews forth like it's just another breath from my body.  I can still rattle off the tale of little Melinda Mae who - bless her - ate that monsterous whale, she thought she could, she said she would so she started in right at the tail and OMG, Sister For Sale sill haunts me to this day.  These things I remember.   
As I grew up I continued to collect and devour it all - minus the Playboy articles.  I even wrote a paper in college on The Missing Piece Meets the Big O.  Hi, I was a Psych major and I'm sure it was brilliant.  And now, 12 years after his passing, Shel Silverstein graces us from beyond the grave and fills our senses once more with Every Thing On it.  And we're 8 again.  Reading aloud.    


So to the 13,000 people who, for the past 20 years we have not allowed to serve in the military we say to thee:  We forgive you.  Feel free to come back and risk your life for our country.

But seriously, yay progress.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


It's rainy.  It's cold.  Or coldish.  It's 58 degrees and it feels like fall.  Even Dallas is a chilly 92 degrees today.  By the way, Texas officially broke the record for hottest three months ever recorded in the history of the United States.  The average temperature of my beloved Lone Star State for the months of June-August was 86.6 and that includes averaging in the night time lows my friends.  Holy hell on fire ya'll that sucks.  And speaking of fire?  Yeah, it's still ablaze.  What the eff.

But back to Indy where it's chilly and rainy and I'm on my porch in my warm  fleeced comfies, sipping wine and listening to the maudlin sounds of Bon Iver.  Where have you been happy place?  I've missed you.  I went back and looked at posts from this time last year - and the year before - and guess what.  It was 2 years ago that I hurt my ankle.  'Active me' ceased to be and I spent the next 6 months on crutches.  Then surgery.  Then more crutches for 2 more months.  Then baby steps.  And some walls.  Then more baby steps.  More walls.  Then 2 weeks ago I competed participated in a triathlon and I finished.  Slow and steady ya'll.

Lots coming up, lots on the horizon.  First up, Friday is my 6 year wedding anniversary.  Six years.  Chump change to many of you but we've actually been together for 12 years which, when I think about it, is longer than my mom and dad were even married.  Inneresting.  But I digress.  So yeah, six years ago I became for real Schovillova.  The only one on record to be sure, that's how it reads on my marriage certificate since we were marrried in the Czech Republic.  6 years ago my yeti and I were living in Prague and drinking $1 half liter beers.  We had no car, owned no house, our only possessions were in a storage pod in Dallas somewhere - and in various parents' attics.  We traveled via trains and buses and could travel to 3-5 diffferent countries consecutively with nothing more than what we could carry in our back packs.  Those were happy times. 
But so are these dammit. On my porch on a rain chilled September evening. Middle America. Wine. Bon Iver. Yeti.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Texas is on Fire Ya'll!

The largest of the fires whipping through central Texas is in Bastrop County, shown here on Sunday.

This is some scary shit.  Central Texas is facing it's worse fire season in state history with over 3.5 million acres already burned.  Looking at the picture it's hard to imagine how one goes about putting out a fire of this magnitude.  Hoses?  Buckets?  Where is Super Man with that frozen lake dammit?  And also?  Why are these people driving straight the hell into it? 
Why yes honey, today is an excellent day to drive through the GATES OF HELL.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Michele Bachman's legs and other weird ways people found my blog this week.

8 saintly people searched virgin mary statue.  I can thank my niece's toddler obsession with the Blessed Virgin.
6 savvy searchers
6 folks searched schovillova.
2 creepy people were looking for michele bachmann legs pictures 2.
2 people tried mother mary statue  - I wonder if they switched to virgin mary statue when they kept landing on my blog.
2 people were looking for tammy sporlede  - whoever the hell that is..
1 validating search was I blew my nose and fainted.  This made me happy. 
1 person needed to learn more about the indy go girl triathlon bike crash.  I wonder if that was the person behind me.  She wiped out big time coming into the transition area but managed to bounce back  freaksihly fast for just having ridden a hilly 10 miles.  I'm pretty sure I would have just laid there.
1 person - bless them - was looking for mary statue.  God I bet this person was pissed by the time they finally found an actual site with statues of Mary. 
And 1 person was looking for meFreaky.