Sunday, October 19, 2014

Because Awesome. Love, Bono and the Boys.

Do you remember that time that we all woke up one September morning to the news that there was an early Christmas present in the form of U2'S LATEST ALBUM waiting for us in our itunes accounts FOR FREE and the world freaked the hell out - WITH RAGE!?

Seriously? I am exhausted by the constant need to defend our boys Bono, The Edge, Larry, and Adam and their quest for world peace and oh, I dunno, music for all!? Do I think it devalued their music by making it free and accessible to all? Mayhaps. The people who love their music will continue to buy their music. And for the record, the folks who love their music will also acknowledge that while this isn't their best album, it's still pretty damn good and worth listening to, like a lot. And the people who don't will complain about this being a crappy album, as well as an invasion of privacy and will most likely never invest in any of their music moving forward. And truth be told they probably wouldn't have invested in their music anyway so you can't really say those are lost sales or devaluing...

And it's not just that those folks are pissed that U2's music had been forced upon them, but it was also apparently the fact that they could not believe that Apple had the ability to go into their accounts and add tunes that they had not asked/paid for. Um, duh. In this day and age I figure who doesn't have the ability to get into our accounts that we so naively keep locked away with complicated passwords.

Do you blame U2 with their audacious presumption that the world will want to listen to their music whether they like it or not? Or do you celebrate them for giving their music away for freaking free when they could have made millions. Think about it. The arguments about the album Songs of Innocence by the way,  taking up room in their accounts or having to use up precious bandwidth to figure out how the hell to delete it from their accounts are weak to say the least. And tonight this ridiculous exchange happened.....

He was like.... I think a lot of people felt it was an invasion of privacy similar to hacking (especially in the midst of The Fappening) - it showed that someone, even a ROCK BAND, could just pop themselves right into your tech. Nicole - could U2 not have achieved the same result of making you happy by announcing "come to website X and download our free album IF you want it?"
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And I was like.... It's not like Bono and The Edge stayed up late night hacking away until they finally found a way in to everyone's account. Damn the man (Apple) not the band! Also Eric, yes, I would have been plenty stoked to download it upon announcing that it was free! Just like they did when they released Invisible earlier this year. But it was like Christmas morning when I went to my account and it was already in there! I admit if a Taylor Swift album was announced as a free download I'd be like huh, cool, but not for me. And if Taylor Swift just showed up in my iTunes I'd be like huh, it's free and there guess I'll give it a try... Then I'd delete 
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 And then he was like... I'm not suggesting any sinister intent from the band, or even from iTunes, but I think that's irrelevant here. The fact that systems could so easily be compromised scared people, because if this could happen, imagine what the people who DO have bad intentions are capable of. It could have been someone uploading the cure for cancer and a whole bunch of people still would have freaked over the intrusion.
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And then I was like... I guess I'm just of the mind that if it's on the interwebs (like iTunes accounts and I dunno Facebook accounts) then it's pretty much accessible to anyone who really wants to get in there, especially the host site. All this to say I was not in the least bit surprised to learn that Apple has the ability to put unsolicited music into my account. I kinda thought they've been doing it all along bc I've come across some weird stuff in my account that I'd hate to take responsibility for...
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Sunday, October 12, 2014

Days like these make me feel like a fucking super hero.

I could not be more grateful for my bosses who are more than accommodating with my recent working mom while nursing mom glamorous life style. Seriously, the support and encouragement is endless which is what you get when you work for other working moms.I have the luxury of being able to pump in my own office. I can close the blinds, lock the door, and plug in 2-3 times a day. But some days, it's literally impossible to plug in. One of those days happened yesterday but I still walked away from it feeling like a fucking super hero...

It was one of those days when you forget a major breast pump part so you're stuck hand expressing 8 oz.'s of milk from your boobs at your desk while your outer office is flooded with staff coming in to get their customer service treats for the day which are healthy chips so every time a new staff person enters, one of your co-workers yells 'You're all that' which is soon followed by your other co-worker exclaiming 'and a bag of chips!' 

Laughter ensues. 
Phone rings. 
Bottle slips. 
Milk sprays monitor. 

Milk starts to drip from side not currently being pumped. Drip. Drip. Quick grab an empty bottle to tuck under leaking faucet turn focus back to milking other side. 

Bottle slips hits the floor, milk all over pants, shoes, floor. Floor milk mixes with a smashed chocolate kiss that has been rolled on for past 3 days. Introducing chocolate milk. 

Outer door opens. 
Co-worker1: 'You're all that!' 
Co-worker2:'And a bag of chips!' 


By the end of the day I managed to squeeze out 12 ounces folks. 

Super. Effing. Hero.

Monday, July 14, 2014

That Time When U2 Followed Me into Motherhood and Everybody Won

Add this to my growing list of 'Shit I Never Thought I'd be Excited About, Like Ever' but you guys, my lunch time birds told me about the existence of 'good' music gone lullaby! I was seriously excited, no joke. Then I found this little nugget and I almost cried. And then when I played it for A and she smiled and cooed like she's never done before... I really did cry. It's downright magical and it makes me #furiouslyhappy. Don't judge. 

I admit, I've listened to the entire album like 10 times already and A may not have been in the room/car all 10 of those times. But seriously, check it out: 

I like to imagine Bono and The Edge, sitting on the floor with bells and xylaphones.
You're welcome.

Praying for Poop - And Other Shit I Never Thought I'd Say Out Loud.

That's right, I said poop. Praying for poop from my daughter. You guys, I have a daughter and she is not the best pooper and she arrived six weeks early while we were in Wisconsin instead of in our Hoosier state - WHAT?! I have a daughter and she's awesome and apparently it's totally normal for new babies to sometimes not poop for a week to 10 days because of all the magical nutrients that is in breast milk... blah blah. It's insane and never fails to freak me out as well as fascinate me - and perhaps only me. She's tiny yet powerful, and has totally knocked us on our asses in the best possible way. She has red hair and super pale skin and if you've met me then you'd know it sounds like my genes never happened. Totally not mad and I'm holding out that she might have my nose...

In the 14 weeks since her arrival, she has flown the friendly skies to Texas and Florida, waded in the Atlantic Ocean, attended one of my ladies' Bunco Nights, participated in countless impromptu neighborhood porch sessions on #RuckleSt and she's hosted over 138 overnight guests in our home. The last one might be an exaggeration but only because we've lost count. Not that we're complaining. She's awesome and wonderful and we're keeping her on her toes - as she knocks us off of ours.

Adelaide Joy. The newest Schovillova if you will. Adelaide because #SpecialK, her dad and the parent whom she most closely (100%) resembles, added it to our list during one of our Saturday morning rituals where we brainstormed baby names and read about our baby's in utero developmental milestones, all while laying in bed until 11 a.m. - sometimes noon. Because you know, that's what people with no kids do. That name was classic - and perfect. And Joy because of my beautiful and brilliant sweet ginger cousin, Elizabeth (Lizzie) Joy, who was taken from us this past February. It still hurts to think about but I can't imagine a better name sake for our sweet Addy Joy. AJ. A.

Our world waited an incredibly long time for her to arrive, despite her own fast tracked agenda. You're fine to travel. The doctors assured us after looking at my ultrasound that I had done 3 effing days before she was born. It's just a little excess fluid. If anything, you will deliver one week early at the most, they said. 'They' were wrong. When I called my doctor the Monday after A was born to let her know that I was cancelling my last 6 appointments because I'd had my baby 6 weeks early and in another state no less, the baby that they told us was still 5-6 weeks off, she assured me that that had not happened in her 10 years of practice. She then told me that she was planning on calling back a patient who was at 34 weeks along whom she had just given the green light to go down to Alabama for the week. So glad I can be that lesson to others.

You didn't ask but I'm confessing...

  1. No, I did not at any point wish that she was back inside my stomach. Not ever. She is so much more fun and enjoyable being out in the world and I am so much less swollen and so much more comfortable.
  2. I haven't experienced postpartum - I think - yet. Perhaps that's because I was so happy to have her out of my body and in the world where she could be enjoyed by everyone.
  3. I think about her all the time, like all the time. No matter where I am or who I'm with or what I'm doing, there is a part of my mind that is constantly and forever consumed by her. I'd heard this would happen. I might be in a meeting or talking to the President of the United States and still only half of my mind is present. My apologies in advance.
  4. While on maternity leave, there were days when my only goal was to have changed her clothes and mine, and if I was lucky maybe have done some dishes before K got home. My bar was low and I admit that all of those things did not always happen.
  5. I am so so happy to be back at work, and some days I feel guilty for that. I'm grateful for the adult interaction and stimulation, happy to eat with 2 hands and be able to take longer than 5 minutes to eat and 30 seconds to pee. Happy for those blissful morning moments with A when she first wakes up in the morning and for that moment when I walk in the door after work and hold her almost too tightly and resist the urge to bite her ears and nose or inhale her completely. 
  6. I second guess everything I do and say. I feel like, right now anyway, that I am constantly treading water - sometimes dog paddling -  just to keep my head above water. I'm not used to that. I'm a swimmer dammit. 
And it's all worth it.

Adelaide Joy.
Wish me luck.


Sunday, January 19, 2014


I just want to eat that little foot but I can't because it's already in my belly.
We've waited a long freaking time for her and now she's almost here. She's almost here and she's this real thing inside my body who is currently using my bladder as a trampoline. I love it. She is the greatest gift. The minutes tick by slowly until we finally get to say hello to her sweet little face, for now we just say hello to my growing belly.

My ladies at the nail salon today:
Ladies: Oh! You have big tomack! You got baby in dare? (Pointing and smiling.)
Me: Yes, there's a baby in there. 
Ladies: Oh! When you done wit baby? When baby come out?
Me: She will be here in 3 months. Just over 3 months.
Ladies: (Looks of shock on all their faces) Tree mont? I tink maybe 1 mont. Tree mont? You got big baby in dare. Big belly!

So there's that. But you know what, I couldn't care if I looked like I had tree babies in said big belly and  12 months pregnant (for the record I've only gained about 15 lbs. so suck it little ladies). The fact is, I have one healthy growing girl in my belly and I cannot wait. She kicks when she hears music or when she feels me swaying to and fro - yes, I sway to and fro. Night time and early mornings are her best times but sadly thus far,  SpecialK can only take my word for it. She craves pineapple and cutie oranges all day long, raisin bran and Cheerios mixed for dinner, and occasionally tater tots. And thank you Jesus she does not crave meat. 

Things I had not counted on:

  1. Yoga and Pilates and pretty much any form of aerobic activity were forbidden through the first 16 weeks. I was granted permission to walk my Lady Bird no more than 3 times a week for no more than 30 minutes. Gee. I've slowly gotten back to my mat but no where near my old groove and that's OK. 
  2. All of my top baby names that I mentally logged over the years have by now been taken by friends' babies and their dogs. Ruby for your little pup Neki? Really??
  3. There are over 20,000+ different types of crib sets and bedding for baby rooms. What, the hell.
  4. It's not just the name you have to consider, but also the implications of the possible nic names, the order of the initials and also? The order of the monogram. My dear sweet sister-in-law's initials are PNS. There's a first and middle name that I love but the monogram would read FKS. Another name I love - SKS.
  5. There is some baby room decor out there that is off the freaking chain. Where to begin??


It's a lot to consider but we've still got time. 
Baby steps, folks. Baby steps.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The End of The Book.

Three Years Ago I mentioned a book that was written about my bio grandfather who I thought that I'd never met but it turns out that I did. Once. I was like 4. The Book was sent to me in 2010 by a bio uncle (who I also met once - age 4) who authored it. I took a stab at its disturbing pages a few times and wrote a couple posts about that journey. In retrospect I believe the posts were my outlet, a way of coping if you will, in an attempt to purge the content from my brain and eyes - my soul. I never finished The Book, it was too much.

I received a text from my dad today informing me that said biograndf died last week at the ripe age of 84. Last week he said. And I get a text. How apropo. It was a strange feeling that came over me when I read the 3 lines of text while at my desk at work. I released a long sigh and reread the text a few times. To read that this person, who's mere relation to me had loomed in my darkest of shadows since the 5th grade when I discovered who and what he really was, was gone from this earth and in a way my existence was a relief somehow. The lifting of a weight that I didn't know was there was palpable. I suddenly felt like the threat of his relation to me was somehow less threatening now, less real. And four months before I bring his bio great granddaughter into the world, I breathe a sigh of relief that she will not know a world with him in it. She may only one day discover the path of destruction and legacy that he left behind. 

Rereading what I just wrote, I worry that my thoughts put into words will be harshly received by some members of my family as some of them had set out to make amends with that man over the past few years. Opportunities for a re connection were also presented to me but I kindly declined - repeatedly. There was no place in my life for him as a child and I could find no place for him in my life as an adult. It was a sentiment not shared by his own adult children who sought a re connection with their father

Decades after his conviction and release, and now death, the dirty details are still out there, floating around in People Magazine archives, New York Times articles, random blogs and legal briefs, all keeping him alive. And those still don't offer the full story, but they offer enough. As I close this post, I imagine that I have finished The Book too. 


Sunday, January 12, 2014


This girl. Meet Lady Bird Schoville. Nine months old and cute as hell. She also saved me. 

On June 14, 2013, this little nugget of delicousness came home with us. She was 8 weeks old and we picked her out among 3 of her siblings. We admit, it was a tough choice, but after several rounds of cuddling all of them, she was the first to lick my face, kind of like, 'Come on lady! Can't you see how much cuter I am than the rest of these boneheads!?' It worked like a charm and home we went. She came with the name Bailey. Bailey. 3 days later she was christened Birdie. As in Lady Bird. Johnson that is. You can take the girl out of Texas...

My first puppy, second dog. I was spoiled with Norman. He came to me house trained and perfect thanks to SpeacialK. But this, this was a tiny creature who didn't weigh 6 lbs. soaking wet. As long as my forearm nose to tail I panicked on the inside, how do we, what do we, how does she?? 7 months later she's still alive, active to the point of exhaustion, a fierce bedtime snuggler, and gets into everything. Nothing is safe and SpecialK can no longer tie any of his shoes due to half eaten laces. The other day we let her in house from outside and she was bright blue and not just because it was 10 degrees out with a foot of snow. She was like painted blue

People keep telling me that I should read the book 'Marley and Me' and I did. Or I tried to anyway 5 or 6 years ago, whenever it came out. The truth? I hated it. Blasphemy, I know. I made it to like page 20 and was so irritated by the voice of the author and the way the story was unfolding that I slammed it shut and stuck it on my shelf where it still is - or isn't - to this day. Perhaps today I'd have a better appreciation for it. In the meantime though, take my word for it. Birdie is our baby. 

We talk about her like people talk about their kids. I get it now. Somedays I think that SpecialK may love her more than he loves me - not really but maybe. He says things like My heart just stops whenever she enters a room and Doesn't she take your breath away? And I'm like Yeah dude. She's awesome. And also? I can't say that I've heard him say those things to me about me but I get it. 8 months after Norman passed and on the heels of my fourth miscarriage, she became our missing piece. 

And next week she's going to bootcamp.