Friday, April 8, 2016

Boy Oh Boy.

So the universe has spoken and decided to give us a baby boy who is currently living large in my belly. A boy. I totally called it from the beginning, only Special K was surprised. I've never seen my myself with a son. Always a daughter. What do I do with a boy?? I admit, I'm anxious about it. Girls I can navigate. Girls I can relate to. Girls I can dress and teach about hygiene and anticipate the teen angst that goes along with being an adolescent female. Ah, the angst. But a boy? Yeesh. I'm excited to feel the connection of a son. I see the father daughter connection of Special K and Adelaide and I love it and sometimes envy it. Will I have that with my son? My son who kicks all day and night in my belly, always reminding us that yes, he is real and it is happening guys.

Yes, I know and apparently sometimes forget that Special K will also be there to show our son - our son - the ins and outs of being a boy, a male in this world. Of the hygiene and the angst - do boys even have angst? Surely they must. Will I like his girlfriends? Will I be nice to them and warm? Or will I be nice with just enough coldness to let them know I know what they're up to. That I've got my eye on them with one eyebrow raised. In hindsight I forgive and empathize with the moms of my past boyfriends who, I felt, never really liked me or trusted me with their sons. I get it now and my son is not even out of my womb. Yes, these are the things I think about.

I'm not old but I'm older than I thought I'd be when I started bringing little people of our own into the universe. Not for lack of trying, just a different timeline and I'm OK with that. I think. I But I do worry. I worry that I may not have the energy necessary for a boy. Will I be able to keep up? Will I still be fun practicing soccer drills and going to the park and running around and climbing trees? Will I be expected to climb trees? What will that look like? These are the things I think about. We'll figure it out, of course we will.

I never imagined myself with a son, but I'm starting to. And as much as it scares the shit out of me, it excites me just the same. Boy oh boy we are in for it. 

S

1 comment:

Kara said...

As a mom of 2 boys, my experience has been amazing and yours will be too! They LOVE their momma's like you won't believe! And the male beings are, well, a little more simple then females...in a good way. There's not a lot of question marks to what they need or want. It can make it SO much easier attending to them emotionally in many ways. And there's that old adage about boys being more physically "off the walls" then girls. I have seen cases where that is certainly true but it hasn't been my experience thus far. Congratulations to you!